Thursday, November 13, 2008

Finding your bearings

I have always been fascinated with Compass Rose designs. Some are quite beautiful and elaborate~ but they are patterns to help find our bearings. Our direction. The only thing that is guaranteed in life is change. Right now I am bridging between my "child" turning into an adult, and elderly parents dealing with some heavy medical realities.
A part of me wants to quit my job and go be of help to family in distant states. Another part is grounded with where we grew our our roots, and many commitments and obligations. I am torn between the two, and doing some soul searching about it all.

Embryonic Journey - Jorma Kaukonen


Unknown said...

I hope Gramps is hanging in there Fran.

The graphic is very vivid. Thanks for sharing. ;)

Dada said...

At this juncture in your life, I'd like to wax poetic here but haven't the talent for - other than to sense the poem we're all living which I cannot express.


Fran said...

Thank you, friends. It seems the reality of 21st century life is not all that user friendly in terms of being able to care of family. It seems in the old days, employers would say- go do what you have to do to take care of your people, we understand.
Now corporations set up attendance points systems, or strict incident programs, that will get a person fired if they go go a certain amount-- of times tardy or absent. Does not matter how verifiable or valid the reason, it will get you fired- unless you know the ropes of getting the required paperwork done properly.
In a perfect world, I could just say, I need to go help Grandma (my in law) for a while.
But in reality, FMLA rules only let you take time off for parent, child or spouse- so Grandparent or
In-law does not qualify.
In a different time, one might just let a job go & say I'm taking care of this priority, I'll find something else- but with the growing ranks of unemployed, having A job with benefits is something you ought to hang on to. The job market is really bad & employers know it so you have people clamoring for an $8 dollar an hour job (before taxes), with no benefits--& 100 people applying for it.

It is bad news re Grandpa. His condition is advanced, and the cancer is an aggressive form.
It is wearing down his bone structure, to the point of flooding his blood with a calcium overload, which taxes the kidneys, causes brain fog, etc. At age 81, he is facing chemo, radiation, steroids, and a host of other meds. Grandma is 86 & his primary caretaker.

My Mom in a different Midwest state, is in a steady decline as well. Alzheimers is a cruel disease that robs you of your memory, but your still live on.
Heartbreaking to watch a bright person fade.

Like you pointed out Dada, lots of folks walk these tightrope acts. Right now, it does not feel poetic-
i feel like I know what I want to do in my heart, but shackled to the corporate world & all the realities of maintaining our lives. Then I remind myself that these burdens are blessings. I have a house and a job with healthcare. So I am thankful, but torn between the desire to support the family in times of need.

Dada said...

Ay, Fran, and "there lies the rub". Thanks for the further insights. I absolutely hate that one must live in an either/or world of very difficult alternatives during such times as you're experiencing. Our thoughts are (very much) with you and your family.

enigma4ever said...

oh fran...I am soo so are twixt tween...that is what my granmom used to say....I am so sorry...both places tugging at your heart...these are such hard times right now...and fragile on so many levels....

I send you much and love...and know that can only do what you can...take care...

Fran said...

Looks like some of my family members can get there next month, so we can send waves of contingents to help support the grandparents.

We don't know how much time there is, but don't want to squander the time we have.

Grandpa is my father-in-law, but really he is like a father to me.

Dk- I understand!

DADA~ Thanks for your kind words. Damn reality in the 21st century anyway. If it were not for reality.....
how much more good we could do in this world.

Enigma~It is vulnerable, I think, we are all feeling it on various levels & degrees.

I may just have to come up with a creative solution...but for the record I'm not choosing the corporation over compassion, I am in it for the health care & survival needs. Clearly, I resent the corporate lack of compassion. The whole system is not family friendly or supportive. Not new news, but really a glaring issue for me right now.
Plus the economy is such a powderkeg right now....
adds another level of stress.